"I got my first job when I was 9. Worked at a sheet metal factory. In two weeks, I was running the floor. Child labor laws are ruining this country."
- Ron Swanson
War on Christmas?
Jon Stewart is so hilarious. If only we could all fact-check like this!
This might be my favorite SNL skit ever. Honestly, this was by far the best cast: Rachel Dratch, Maya Rudolph (not in this video), Tina Fey (not in the video), Amy Poehler, and Jimmy Fallon. Ahhh, come back you guys!!!
Also, remember when Lindsay Lohan actually used to be normal? Oh, how things change.
"I hate, hate being left out. Whether it’s not being picked for a team… or being picked for a team and then showing up and realizing the team doesn’t exist. Or that the sport doesn’t exist! I should’ve known. “Poop ball?"
- Michael Scott
Charlize Theron on winning an Oscar. SO HILARIOUS!
I have yet to read these two books. First Amazon fucked up my order and now I haven’t gotten around to placing a second order. DAMN IT, LAZINESS! Must read. Brain getting dumber. Will shutdown soon.
"I’m a little worried that I may have asked out Naughty Nelly instead of Erin. Which would be whole lot less appealing, because Naughty Nelly says yes to everyone. And she might be a murderer."
- Andy Bernard, The Office
Oh, Tina.
"Although I was able to maintain a pleasant expression, I was mentally throwing up in her face."
- Augusten Burroughs, Running with Scissors
"Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much."
- Oscar Wilde
